Morning Rise

Mainstream Equestrian Sports

2009-01-02T23:07:00.004-05:00

As I sit here reading news and other blogs, I am vaguely aware of the football chaos going on in the room with me. The TV is blaring the announcers' blathering, the occasional cheerleader yelling something silly and the marching band playing the occasional song. Then my dad starts yelling at the TV. I will admit that he doesn't get rowdy and jump up screaming, but he doesn't keep his thoughts to himself either.

"Why do you think Equestrian sports aren't popular in the United States?" I ask him.

"Well... I don't know."

"You don't like watching it, do you?" I prompt, looking for more than just a dismissal of my question. "Why don't you like watching someone racing around on horseback, jumping over things? Risking death every moment!" Of course, I'm talking about Cross Country jumping, probably the only type of Equestrian sport he has ever watched on TV.

"Well if someone would die occasionally... or at least get carried off in a stretcher..." He is kidding about the dying, of course but it was clear that this was all I was going to get out of him.

It set me thinking about why Equine related sports really aren't mainstream. Surely Stadium jumping or Cross Country would be found interesting by the general public. They would have to admire the sheer athleticism and power of the horse and the balance of their riders. I can see how dressage would be a stretch for the laymen, since they wouldn't understand the complexities behind the flawless technical feats unfolding before their eyes. But surely Cross Country...

I can't seem to wrap my mind around it, why people would not be interested. Any thoughts?

Floating

2009-01-02T18:51:00.002-05:00

Here we are, suspended in this life, floating. Not moving forwards or backwards but diving and dipping, ascending and falling. All we can do now is wait.

As we wait for the long desired change, we can only think. Some of us choose not to, occupying their minds with either a barrage of information or blocking it out by means of drugs and alcohol.

I choose to think. This may not be the best option for me, as I tend to overthink, but not thinking is a falsity. My thoughts provide me with an internal rollercoaster that belies my suspended state. These thoughts carry me outside of my life, making the monotony bearable.

Scientology

2008-12-31T17:43:00.004-05:00

From my perspective, it is difficult to understand how anyone can honestly believe in religious doctrine. Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, anything. Of course the believers will throw out words like "faith" in order to prove why their religion is believable. [On a somewhat different note, I once had someone tell me that "Trees are proof that God exists."]

The only religions I can understand are the ones that we now consider ancient myths. Long before modern science and technology, people were trying to assign meaning to the mysteries of the Earth. It was only natural that these ancient peoples assigned gods to any unknown force. [Sun god, god of fertility, etc.]

As for modern religions, Scientology really takes the cake when it comes to ridiculous doctrine. This post by Ebonmuse just served as a reminder of the senselessness that is Scientology. I believe the story can speak for itself.

According to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, Xenu was an alien overlord who, 75 million years ago, was in charge of a "Galactic Confederacy" consisting of 76 planets, including Earth (which, according to Hubbard, was then called "Teegeeack"). This planetary confederation was desperately overcrowded, and to solve this problem, Xenu devised a genocidal plan. Luring billions of citizens to government offices under the pretense of tax inspection, he dosed them with paralyzing drugs, flew them to Earth, then unloaded their bodies around the bases of volcanoes and detonated hydrogen bombs inside the volcanoes, killing them all.

The dead aliens' souls, which Hubbard referred to as "thetans", were then captured using an "electronic ribbon" and taken to "implant stations", where they were forced to watch a movie containing various misleading beliefs about the existence of God, the Devil, Jesus, and so on. After this process of brainwashing, the thetans were released and took up residence inside the bodies of living beings on Earth. According to Scientology, these "body thetans" still exist in each of us, causing all the physical and mental illnesses that human beings suffer from.

Oh! Now I see! It all makes sense now!

...

Auschwitz

2008-12-31T05:46:00.001-05:00

My elation is a blind guide dog

Confidently propelling himself

Through the still waters of the ocean.

Now, my individuality can flourish,

Away from those who had oppressed me

And rendered me sightless.

Your betrayal was a lockless safe

Abandoning my trust

To those who wanted it most of all.

Changing

2008-12-31T05:34:00.006-05:00

The snow gently fell

Upon the great willow tree.

Cease the vibrant green.

"If only, If only..."

2008-12-31T05:13:00.004-05:00

(The woodpecker cries, "... the bark on the trees were as soft as the skies.")

If only you had never been denied her... If only she had never been taken away from you, ripped from this life so cruelly.

If you had never been denied her, I would never have been denied you.

She was your first love and should have been your only. But fate took her from you, leaving you torn and broken, never to be whole again.

You were my first love and never should have been. I should have met you, whole and at peace, never feeling the desire to mend the un-mendable. Like trying to fill an endless void, my love was pointless.

Your heart is still with her, and mine is now with you. What a vicious cycle of heartbreak fate has laid out for us.

I only hope it stops here.

Dreams

2008-12-31T04:33:00.002-05:00

Lately, my dreams have been dominated by you. If you aren't the center of my thoughts, you are always on the outskirts, just waiting to find a weakness in my concentration. Perhaps my dreams are beginning to mirror my waking thoughts. Never a day goes by that don't think of you. Maybe my mind has had enough.

The first significant dream was quite surreal. My dreams are often rather realistic but occasionally I know that I am dreaming before I ever wake. This was one of those instances. I just had a rather terrifying horse accident (being flung through the air and into a tree) and I was in the barn reliving my horror with others and the shock that I was not injured. You came through the door as if you had been there the whole time. I was delighted to have you with me and hugged you as soon as you were near. Then, I continued my cringe-worthy account of the accident. Moments later I asked the others where you were. No one knew what I was talking about. They said that no one else had been there and maybe I had hit my head harder than I thought. But I knew you had been there. I had seen you, felt you, hugged you. I knew you were real. And then I realized that, just as in my waking life, that you were still in New York. Hundreds of miles away and not coming back for two more weeks. I knew something was off before I ever awoke.

Because that dream stood out in my mind so much at the time, I remember it with the most clarity. Revisiting it countless times kept it as fresh as the day it was dreamt. All the others have fogged over in time since I did not bother to revisit them in my mind.

My most recent dream of you was much less surreal but slightly more cryptic. We were in a dark movie theatre, holding hands as we often did. Cloaked in darkness, to me there was no one else, no one else mattered. Not even the movie. Especially not the movie. You extended a gesture so tender and trusting that, even outside of reality, I was floored by the significance. You leaned towards me so that our faces were flush, cheek to cheek. I knew that for you, this must cause much pain. But I sensed no heat. No outward signs of the agony that must have been coursing through you like a white hot fire. You seemed as content as I. Then you whispered that we could never let them know.

In reality we had done this many times. You allowed me to explore what caused you the most pain, emotionally and physically. I had the pleasure of caressing your smooth, soft face. Feeling it against my skin, against my own flushing cheek. I know that I hurt you many times, always by accident. It was evident by the crimson glow of your skin and the heat that emanated from it. But you never complained - not seriously at least. You always let me know when I bumped you by accident. But I cherished those moments of tenderness. I longed to hold your face, knowing that it was as painless as my own. I knew that it could never happen.

So many months on from our reality, I am still dreaming of you. I try to forget, but, really, that is the last thing I want. To forget what we had. I feel the pinpricks behind my eyes travel down my arms to my fingertips as I allow myself to remember. Even my subconscious is longing for the happiness that came with those moments. I hope that, one day, my dreams will again be my reality.

If Wishes Were Horses...

2008-12-18T00:14:00.004-05:00

Odd News #7 :: Summer Makes Me Lazy

2008-07-04T01:19:00.003-04:00

I admit it. Summer makes me a lazy procrastinator. Not that I am never lazy or that I never procrastinate [I do enough of that for three people, trust me]. Summer just multiplies my sluggish sentiments by approximately 250%.

Anyway, now that I had admitted my innermost secret to all on the interweb, I will reveal to you, my dear readers [you do exist, don't you, dear readers? If not, I think I qualify as slightly psychotic, considering that I must be having conversations with myself], exactly what struck me as being so odd, I had to share. And that, my dear potentially-non-existent/in-my-head-readers, is a 70 year old Indian woman giving birth to twins.

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. A seventy year old woman successfully gave birth to twins. This news, courtesy of the Daily Mail , was rather shocking to me. However, with IVF gaining in success and popularity, it should be no surprise that even women with children conceived the natural way still want to have children past their prime. Apparently way past their prime.

To clarify, I am not condemning IVF as I am an in-vitro baby myself. Nor am I condemning women who chose to have children well into their 50's and even 60's. However, I am questioning the morality of bringing a child into the world whose parents may not live to see his or her first birthday.

Considering that the average life expectancy of a woman in India is 71.9 years, the new mother in question may not indeed see her twins take their first steps or babble their first words. In addition to that, she is doing good to even be alive at the moment. According to the CIA World Fact Book, the average lifespan of the entire Indian population is 69.25 years.

When making the decision to bring new life into the world, I believe that you should consider the quality of life the child will have. According to the Daily Mail, all the Indian family wanted was a son. A son to inherit the wealth, the farm and get a dowry from his future bride. What happens if both his parents die within the next few years, his adult sisters are not willing or able to take on another child and he ends up in an orphanage? How is that productive, let alone moral? It is possible that the family will surprise us all, but I do have my doubts.

More power to her for taking on such a laborious task at such an advanced age [no pun intended]. I just hope that other aged women will consider their potential unborn child before spending thousands on IVF treatment.

Its Been too Long

2008-05-28T04:06:00.004-04:00

It has been a long, emotional and stressful month since I last wrote anything. Since the reason for my emotional turmoil would be reading what I write, I decided to just take a break so I would not regret something I had written in an emotional frenzy.

Anyway, I'm still quite emotional and in the process of writing a song. Weird for me, but whatever. I decided that maybe I should post something I have written before instead of something new so I don't focus on said emotions.

I chose a personal essay I had to write for college counselors. It was written in only a few hours and had little to no editing and I know it is not of the best quality. However, I feel that it really conveys who I am. But maybe thats because I already know that... Anyway, I suppose I should let you decide for yourselves.

Equine Passion

     I walk in the barn, knowing that the wonderful scent of hay and horses will soon grace my nostrils, bringing a flood of memories with it. A sense of comfort envelops me as I walk through the barn because I know I am in my element. The feed room, filled with dust and hay is my first stop. I take a moment to enjoy the sweet aroma of hay before I fix the feed for the horses. With the banging of feed buckets and the rush of grain, the horses know what is coming. I hear them whicker in excited anticipation. That whicker is a soft low sound reserved for those they care about and those who feed them. I fall under both categories. With the clank of the buckets and the rush of feed once more, I have three contented horses.

     Unlike many “horse girls” my age, I live for these moments. As much as I love riding, venturing through the woods, jumping fallen trees and winning in the show ring, I am content doing nothing but caring for them. I expressed these feelings from an early age; I got just as much joy out of feeding and grooming the horses as I did riding them. I also learned through observation how to diagnose and care for sick horses; I helped with many whose owners were too busy to bother. I would stay up with my instructor and hero, at the time, taking turns walking and watching horses that may or may not make it through the night. Experiences like those left a long lasting impression on my memory.

     Now, at the age of sixteen, I am on my own with my own three horses and parents who are willing to lend a hand. I have successfully given injections in the jugular and, in one case, put my whole arm in my horse’s mouth and into his throat in an attempt to alleviate his choking. It worked, my horse is fine and I still have my arm. I don’t know of many people who would be willing to risk a limb for their pet, but my devotion to horses is above and beyond that of an owner-pet relationship.

     I consider horses to be partners in sport, companions and friends. This is a difficult concept to convey to someone who has never connected with a horse, but I believe that such a connection has made me a stronger person. Horses have been my comfort throughout tough times and still have the ability to brighten my mood whenever I am around them. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without horses but I have a feeling it would be rather dull. I know that, without them, I would join the ranks of the masses that have never had the wonderful experiences that a horse can give.

    Horses have undoubtedly shaped who I am and what I will become. I’ve seen a horse foal, watched many grow up and gain a personality of their own. I’ve been with dying horses and seen them defy all odds. Because of my many equine experiences, I think horses have helped me grow as a person and mature more quickly than many of my peers. Horses have always been there for me and I plan on being there for them for the rest of my life. Horses are my passion.

Revelations of an Emotional Day

2008-04-20T23:12:00.003-04:00

Somedays I think I could be bipolar. Happy and excited one moment, depressed and crying the next. Yesterday was one of those days.

I was listening to you talk about this house we passed and how you would never be there long enough to enjoy it. You have been talking about how much you want to travel, to get away from America, ever since I met you. Once, you also said that if you ever do have kids, you wouldn't want to raise them in this country. This has always made me sad because I could never let myself be that free. But yesterday, in my overly emotional state, I came to a realization. I have no future with the one person I love the most.

In a way, I have always know this. But putting it in those words just made it so much more real. You made me realize that I could never spend my life with you. You would never be happy in one place. I could never travel the way you want to because of my horses. It just makes me wonder what we are doing. If we should really go on together.

I don't think I will ever find someone that I love as much as you.

Love at First Sight

2008-04-10T10:16:00.012-04:00

I remember that day almost perfectly. For me, that is a feat in itself. It was my first day and I had no idea what I was doing. I was scared. I was sitting at the top of the house, watching the actors rehearse their lines. He was off to the right. Sitting closer to the stage. I had no idea who he was or what our fate was to be. I was attracted to him instantly. Only later would I realize that that initial attraction could be compared to a little something called love at first sight.

As it turned out, we would be working together, talking for hours on end over a headset. Within days, I realized that I loved him. Call it naive, call it stupid, call it whatever you want but I know it's true. Over the course of the next few weeks, I would learn more about him than I knew about any of my friends. I would also learn a great deal about myself. All of this along with many other things that he educated me about. I felt that I had known him my entire life even though it had only been a matter of days.

For me, that was magical. I have a hard time letting people in for fear of being hurt and rejected. I trusted him more than I trusted anyone else. We quickly became best friends.

However, I told him how I felt and, to my surprise, he already knew. Over the course of the next six months we would discuss this over and over again. He said he would never be able to love me the way I loved him. He didn't want to hurt me. He was also still getting over a past relationship. Legitimate reasons. In spite of this, I wanted more. I kept at it.

We met again a few months later to work on another musical together. More talking over the headset for hours on end would solidify our already strong friendship. We began to go out a little bit; he taught me to play chess, we went to a few movies and a small concert. We also began chatting on the phone rather than communicating solely through the computer. It felt as though he was showing interest, yet the last time I thought this, I was in for a big disappointment.

I kept on pressuring him to give me more answers as to why we could not take our relationship one step further. One late night one the phone, I finally learned the truth about why he wanted us to remain friends. Before that one faithful night, the only think I knew was that he was "still getting over a past relationship". Little did I know what he really meant by that.

He started out slow. Telling me about how he and his mum flew to Boston in June two summers before. He was waiting in the airport when this girl approached him because she thought he was also flying alone. They immediately hit it off and talked the whole way to Boston. She became his first kiss. They spent the days at her dad's house. To this day, I don't know what they did. However, I do know that she was his love at first sight. They parted on June 30th after only 20 days together. They promised to write and call each other.

When he got home, it was a little while before he was able to write or call her. When he did, he never got a response. She never got a chance to. At this point in his story, I was shocked. I think, deep down, I knew. But still, I asked. She was dead. She had been killed in a car wreck only five days after the last time he saw her. He told me that when she left, she had taken something from him. He said he didn't know if he could ever be whole again.

In spite of this, I still loved him and I still wanted him to be mine. Don't get me wrong, I felt like a horrible person, just the scum of the earth. But thats how I felt. I even hoped that maybe I could help fill the hole that she had created.

I began having dreams about her. I never saw her, but I always knew it was her. Because of those dreams, I felt like I knew her. We would try to talk about her but I would always end up crying. Just the thought of the whole situation was just overwhelmingly tragic.

Not too long after this, he decided, against all his instincts, to date me. We spent every second possible together. After only a few weeks of dating, I felt like we had been together a lifetime. One day, he realized that he loved me even though he never thought he would be able to. It was the happiest time of my life. We would stay up until dawn talking and then just sleep all day. I wanted it to go on forever. But school started back in August and we had to cut back on our time together. We still saw each other every day but no more early morning conversations while watching the sun rise.

As we got busier, we saw each other less and less but still talked every day and saw each other most nights and weekends. During those months, she would come up occasionally but not too often. I even thought that maybe he was beginning to move on. Only recently has she been the subject of conversation once again.

He stumbled upon some photos of her a few weeks ago. Ever since then things have been different. He also began to smell her, once even when he was less than a foot away from me. He was also more distant than ever before. This could have been attributed to several things going on at the time but I did not know the truth. One day, I asked him if he still loved me like he had. He said he still loved me but not like he had. Something had changed. I was devastated but somehow that was the response I was expecting.

Not too long after this, he told me about her photos. I was excited, terrified and upset all at the same time. I knew I had to see them but I wasn't sure how I would handle it. I didn't cry. I didn't do much of anything really. I just looked at them. Her small frame was beautiful. She was thin yet beautifully curved. Her eyes were large; a striking shade of blue.

Of course I had many questions racing through my mind but I could never seem to get them out in words. I did, however, ask him if he still loved her. Obviously he said that yes, he did still love her. An expected response but once again I was crushed. We had been together for so long, yet it seemed he still loved her more than he would ever love me.

Again, I was jealous of her. And again, I felt like a horrible person but I couldn't help it. I can't control how I feel, no matter how hard I try. I suppose he can't either.

Equestrian Theory :: Bit Theory

2008-03-25T00:19:00.002-04:00

In my opinion, bits are often the most misused and misunderstood tool in the equestrian world. Think about it; if you have ever ridden a horse, there is a good chance that the horse had a bit in it's mouth. However, did you stop to think about what that bit might do? How it could effect the horse? What kind of bit was it? Did you even know that there were different kinds of bits?

Most people don't give bits a second thought. [When I refer to people, I mean everyone who has encountered a horse, not all horse savvy people.] If properly understood, the correct bit can mean the difference between first place at a show and ending up on the ground.

A bit uses a combination of pressure and leverage in order to convey information to your horse. The intensity and severity of the pressure and leverage differs from bit to bit and, if used improperly, can cause serious harm to you or your horse.

In order to better explain myself, I will set up a scenario that depicts the kind of damage different bits can do.

Scenario one: You are riding a new and unknown horse for the first time. You don't know much about the horse's history but you know that he is young. Most trainers try to use a simple, gentle bit on young horses to keep their mouths soft and responsive. However, this is not always the case. Going on the simple bit assumption, you use a snaffle which is the most basic bit. You get on your horse, he seems to walk, and trot fine but when you ask for the canter, he takes off like there is no tomorrow. While clinging on to the back of a racing, 1,000 pound animal, teetering precariously 5 feet up in the air, you realize that your locomotive of a horse has no brakes. That happy little snaffle means nothing to this horse. Perhaps he was a high strung show horse or a barrel horse taught to run. At this point, it doesn't matter what your horse was. Your life is now in danger. You have to stop that bullet train with a feather. How are you going to go about doing that? Good question. And good luck.

Scenario Two: Once again, you are on a relatively unknown, young horse. You are used to using severe bits to control your speed demon animals. Lets say you use a bicycle chain bit. Everyone knows what a bicycle chain looks like, right? Just imagine that in your mouth, grating against bare gums. Does not sound like fun to me. Anyway, you get on your horse and stay in his mouth for a long period of time, trying to set his head, maybe. After a while, the metal starts to cut into his sensitive gums, causing them to bleed. The gums will eventually scar over and you then have a "hard mouthed" young horse. There is also always the possibility of health problems regarding the wounds. Although this scenario does not seem quite as dramatic, you have permanently damaged your young horse that will be with you, or someone else, for many years to come.

I don't know about you, but neither of these situations sound too fun to me. I would like to stay in one piece and keep my horse safe, healthy and happy.

Since it would be confusing [for me, anyway] to try and explain bits and their different mechanics without a visual aide, I am going to compile a bit guide in my next post. I will try to include the most common bits along with some of the more obscure in order to help anyone interested gain a better understanding of bits.

It may take a day or two to compile, but check back soon! Happy Horsing!

Tornadic Lust

2008-03-15T15:47:00.003-04:00

I found myself lying in the hammock. Wind whipping and whirling around
me. I willed a tornado to come and get me. To take me away from the
sorrow and solitude.

"Maybe it will take me far away", I thought. I would like that.

But no, I would not land in Oz. Only a few miles away, broken and
tattered if not dead. Maybe that would be better than nothing. Maybe
not.

As the sun slipped behind the clouds, the weather seemed to grow
restless. Maybe it really was a tornado. I thought about it, if only
for a few seconds. I really didn't care. I closed my eyes again and
let the wind give me everything it had.

Of course, the winds died down. Still whipping but without the
ferocity of before. It grew colder without the sun's rays beaming down
on my vulnerable flesh.

I realized how much the weather seemed to reflect the events going on
in my life at the time. The sun leaving me cold and wanting more.
Hiding behind the clouds of separation.

I realized that without the sun, I am nothing. And without me, the sun
will remain everything.

I am alone.

The Casual Ballerina

2008-02-28T22:43:00.007-05:00

I consider myself to be a casual ballerina. I danced for about a year, almost a year ago. Not much, I know but because of my age and ankle strength, I progressed to pointe work in a matter of months. I loved it, even when I hated it but when I moved and the dance studio moved in the same summer, I couldn't find the time to keep going to classes several times a week.

I still do foot stretches and go into demi-pointe when I'm not thinking [or thinking too much] and I still lust over the dance equipment in magazines. I really did love dancing but it turned out that I did not have to keep it in my life to enjoy it.

Anyway, I think the ballerina lifestyle is wonderful. However, too much pressure to stay thin, flexible, athletic etc. can be counterproductive. On the positive side, a ballerina is always active, always encouraged to eat healthily, and is often encouraged to take a yoga/stretch/strength class.

I took a stretch class during my short stint as a ballerina and never even dreamed that I would do some of those poses and exercises on my own. Turns out that some of those excruciating practices are more formerly known as Yoga poses. [The downward facing dog is the bane of my existence. For some reason, it hurts me. Must be my horribly tight hamstrings]

Long story short, I am just teaching myself some yoga and realized that I already know many of the poses. Many of the positions came naturally to me and I seemed to know automatically how to stay relaxed but rigid at the same time. Who knew that that torturous class could become useful later on.

I am not a true casual ballerina. I lied. I'm sorry. But that is something that I aspire to be. Positively body conscious [in a yoga sense], healthy, fit and flexible.

A Homophobic Encounter

2008-02-28T01:18:00.003-05:00

I have little tolerance for homophobes. In fact, I sometimes wish I could beat the ignorance and intolerance out of their minds. But of course I am not a violent person and would never really do that.

Anyway, I was in my barn the other day, cleaning stalls, like always. The barn is in progress so there were electricians in the barn doing what electricians do. One of the men started making fun of how our closest gay friend talks. And of course they laugh it off like its no big deal, but really it is. When me and my mum say something about it, the other man throws the religion card at us. I bite my tongue and keep on cleaning stalls, eying the shovel that is only a few feet away. I wondered if he would even notice what was coming before it hit him. Probably not. I kept cleaning stalls.

My mum and the electricians keep up a "friendly" banter about the subject while I work in the stall, glaring the whole time. The religion man says that he does not believe that a person can be born gay. [In addition to saying something about it being against the Bible. Go figure.]

"Oh really?" my mom says, "But why would they choose to be...?"
"Exactly".

Of course at this point, I have to say something.

"Do you realize that you just contradicted yourself in only one word?"

I don't clearly remember what happened after this, partially because his electrician partner was laughing so hard and partially because of the dialog going on in my head. If I had been given the time, I probably could have changed this man's mind. Or at least made him think about what he was saying.

If I had been given the chance, I probably would have said something like this:

"Why would a person choose to be gay? Do you realize what kind of discrimination they have to go through in order to be open about who they are? Most of all, they have to listen to men like you. Now please tell me, Why would anyone choose to be gay?"

I know that is not the best argument possible but when I am angry, it is difficult for me to think straight. I was so mad; someone was in my barn, bashing one of my best friends, pulling the religion card and getting away with it. If it was up to me, he would have been gone at that moment. There are plenty of electricians out there.

Uggh! The frustration runneth over. I just don't know what to say. I will be surprised if this ends up make much sense.

I guess I'll go calm myself now.

The Things I Carry

2008-02-28T01:10:00.005-05:00

A poem I wrote in response to the first chapter of "The Things They Carried". [A good book about Vietnam, if anyone is interested]

I carry many things

The necessary and the not

The material and emotional

The heavy and burdensome

My purse, no matter how small, carries my life

It carries the experiences I have had

Old movie tickets, receipts

Spare change and empty gum wrappers

It carries memories

My iPhone carries my information

Without it I would be lost

Instant information and instant communication

In a world with only seconds to spare, instant is necessary

I carry gum and perfume

Lip balm, makeup and cough drops

For the days that I don't feel my best

I carry money

Sometimes it is more than enough

Sometimes it is never enough

I carry it because society says so

I carry stress

Sometimes it is too much

Sometimes it is bearable

No matter what, there is always stress

With the stress come shattered dreams

Broken hearts

Forgotten wishes

I carry things that I do not wish to remember

I am reminded of what I have not done

And of what I will never do

They haunt and plague but will not go away

I carry experiences never felt

I carry memories long gone

Of people almost forgotten

Of places that may have existed only in my dreams

These are the worst memories

Forgotten truths and lies believed

All of these things, I carry on my own

Any criticism is welcome!

International Leana

2008-02-26T22:54:00.003-05:00

Maybe I should be learning some more languages... or at least posting in them. I am shocked at the visitorship I have received since starting my little blog only three months ago. I would like to give a shout out to everyone who has visited and let everyone else know where their fellow readers are coming from! It's interesting, at the least... Here we go!

Hailing from at least 40 different countries:

[In order of most visitors]

1. USA

2. UK

3. Canada

4. The Netherlands

5. Malaysia

6. Poland

7. Sweden

8. Germany

9. Denmark

10. Saudi Arabia

11. Japan

12. France

13. Switzerland

14. Indonesia

15. Brazil

16. Malta

17. Australia

18. Israel

19. Hungary

20. Italy

21. Norway

22. Mauritius

23. Romania

24. South Africa

25. Peru

26. Estonia

27. Singapore

28. The Republic of Korea

29. Slovenia

30. Taiwan

31. New Zealand

32. Mexico

33. India

34. Finland

35. Ukraine

36. Spain

37. Ireland

38. Lebanon

39. Morocco

40. Jordan

Then there are the "Unknown" visitors. Sketchy, if you ask me.

I thought all of this was rather interesting and that some of my readers might want to know who else is visiting. Yay for diversity!!

Equine Therapy

2008-02-21T00:12:00.004-05:00

I am in the beginnings of the "What do I want to do with my life?" phase. I have many options open to me, but I am not sure which direction I should take. I was recently directed towards an art school in Georgia called Savannah College of Art and Design. They have a brand new equestrian facility and, supposedly, give equestrian scholarships. I looked at the website but did not find much more than a few pictures of the new barn and a roster. I looked at the majors offered at SCAD. All pertaining to art and design. Duh.

I would love to be a graphic artists or an interior designer but I just don't think that I have the creativity to do something like that. [Well, I have the creativity just not the passion to drive said creativity] Long story short, nothing looked good to me.

Another school I have contemplated seems absolutely perfect for me. Tons of equestrian majors, anything from Equine Sciences to training to barn management. All at Lake Erie College in Ohio. Wait, Ohio? Hmm... I happen to extremely dislike Ohio. I went once for a horse show and swore I would never go back. Lake Erie is out.

All this led me to contemplate what I really want to do and go from there. I would love to be a surgeon but I don't have the brains. Psychiatry appeals to me but then again, I don't have the book smarts to make it through medical school. Maybe Psychology? It seems to fit me better than my other options. Then again, I am not one that enjoys the clinical atmosphere. I would rather be outside 99% of the time.

I have been thinking about this for some time but until recently, it was only a dream. I want to be an Equine Therapist. No, I won't be advising horses on how to cope with new environments or anything like that. I want to use horses as a tool for learning and healing. I want to be a therapist but I want to use horses to help me. There is a certain tranquility around horses that seems to put me into a good mood no matter what. I want to use what I love the most in order to help others.

So here is my grand plan. My parents and I [more like my parents but hey, I'm the inspiration behind it all] own about 40 acres of land with a house, a pond, a swimming pool, several acres of trails, woods, natural springs, a barn and, most importantly, three lovely horses. My barn is being built, but when it is finished, it will be a wonderful place. Of course all of this is being done in time for me to go off to college. My mom wants me to stay near by, I want to experience the world and who knows what goes on in my dad's mind. I want to, one day, turn my barn into a safe-haven for those who need it most.

I have had experience working in a non-profit riding therapy barn and know that I would not want to go that rout. There are too many risks involved, too many precautions and not enough freedom. I also know from experience that I enjoy working with the emotionally challenged children and adolescents more than the ones with physical or mental disabilities.

I would like to try and take the stress and embarrassment out of therapy for older children and teens. I know it can be rough when adults think you need to see a therapist but I also know that, in the proper atmosphere, it could be even enjoyable. I want it to be fun. I want it to be a unique experience that has the ability to really get through to people. I want it to be different. Even adults need that.

I want to eventually have other, smaller animals that are on the same level as the smaller children. There is nothing more intimidating than a horse when you are a mere two feet tall. Or four. Or whatever. Horses are not for everyone, I know. But, they may still want the tranquility that comes with the country. They may want to walk in the woods while having a heart to heart talk or gaze out over the pond while divulging their innermost demons. Maybe they do want the animals to help them. Thats where the miniature donkey comes in. Or the pony. Or the miniature horse. Or the chickens, ducks, dogs, cats, sheep, pigs and whatever else I might take on.

I want to be able to reach out to those who have no hope. Maybe emotionally or financially. Maybe there is a child who needs therapy but his insurance wont cover it. Maybe there is also a businessman who needs a weekend away from the stresses of the city. Part of that businessman's [or woman's] fees would go towards getting that child therapy. In addition to feeding all my therapy animals, of course :]

This is my ideal situation. Using horses and other animals to help people. People helping others who need it the most. I know it sounds very idealistic and unrealistic at best but I want this to become my reality.

This is my dream.

Questions for the Conservatives

2008-02-11T19:47:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. It's been a while. But hey, I do have a life.

Anyway, I was on the way to work, thinking about a conversation that was had in my Anatomy and Physiology class. My teacher seems to be a conservative type. Religious. "Pro-life". You know the deal. She was talking about a friend whose son was born without a left ventricle [a critical part of the heart for those not in the know]. Her friends decided not to do anything about the incomplete heart and let nature take it's course, so to speak. Of course, the baby died within four days.

The same teacher also "knows" someone who had a child with the same problem [sometimes I wonder how this woman knows so many people with strange diseases and birth defects]. This family opted to operate on the child who is now four and will need a heart transplant sometime in the near future. Although, I'm sure said child has loving, and most likely wealthy parents, He or she will have to go through many surgeries throughout his or her short life.

My teacher seemed to think that letting the new born die naturally with no stressful surgeries was a bad choice. Instead of giving the child the best four days possible, she would have rather subjected him to a life of pain and suffering. When a student made a comment about the quality of life the child would have, my teacher replied "Yes, but if there is any chance of life, I would take it".

If I was the baby and it was my choice, I would want to live four happy days in which I was the little miracle rather than live a life strapped to a heart monitor in which I was known as the patient.

Constantly weighted down by the burden of a defective heart. Constantly being watched, by worried parents and doctors alike. Knowing that your life will be significantly shorter than average. Never knowing when you will be able to get a heart for a transplant. Worrying about whether your body will accept the foreign organ. Knowing that someone had to die in order for you to live.

All of these things are burdens that the child would have to bear, assuming that the child makes it through infancy and early childhood. Would you want that? Would you want that for your child? I know that I wouldn't.

All of this led to the questions I am about to ask. Any insight would be wonderful, but I am specifically asking any conservatives who might happen by. I truly do not understand why conservatives hold the views that they do. Maybe if I know the thoughts behind them, I will understand the choices better.

Question One:

On the issue of Gay Marriage.

Do you really oppose the thought of a homosexual couple having the same rights as a heterosexual couple? Or do you dislike gays all together? Is it a matter of unexplained hatred or conflicting moral values? Do you oppose it because of your religious beliefs? If so, why? If it does not directly affect you, then why are you opposed to gay rights?

Question Two:

On the issue of abortion.

When you oppose legal abortion, do you think about the child? Do you consider the quality of life that an unwanted child may have? Do you think about the life that child could destroy and the resentment that could follow? Do you just think about a little pink baby being killed and disposed of? Do you think about the consequences of a "black market abortion"? [An illegal abortion, done in possibly unsanitary conditions under less than desirable circumstances.]

These were the only questions I thought about on the drive to work, so I thought I would save any others for a second installment! Yay!! Haha :]

Well as a note, I would like to say that I am asking these questions purely out of curiosity. I would like to know the thought process behind some conservative views and the questions are in no way meant to be offensive. Thank you in advance for any feedback you may have!

Odd News #6 :: Yet Another Plane Mishap

2008-01-28T18:14:00.001-05:00

I mentioned in a previous post that the number of aircraft accidents seems to be on the rise as of late. Typically, small crafts go down and have accidents more often than the large commercial airliners because of size and the experience level of the pilots. But it seems that more and more commercial grade planes are having accidents these days. Earlier this month, a Boeing 777 crash landed just a few yards short of a Heathrow landing strip, destroying the underbelly of the aircraft. Luckily, there were no serious injuries and everyone was able to evacuate the plane safely.

The most recent 'wreck' occurred in Washington state when a Southwest aircraft slid off the taxiway. Supposedly, the cause was about a half an inch of wet snow. But since the plane was flying in from Portland, Oregon, one would assume that snow would be old hat for the pilots and the aircraft alike. [You know, since the planes can navigate snow by themselves and everything.]

Once again, no one was injured but it seems like the incidents themselves would raise an alarm. Will someone have to be seriously injured before an explanation is found? Is there a Bermuda Triangle of sorts affecting aircrafts? I certainly don't know, but I would like to find out.

Leana is Worried.

2008-01-28T00:52:00.000-05:00

About her MacBook. If she loses her MacBook, she would cease to exist.

It has been doing strange things in the past few days that makes me wonder if it will be alright. I had to live without it for a while last summer and that was bad. Poor little nameless MacBook. I just felt that the world needed to know about my distress.

[End pointless pity party. On with life.]

Equestrian Theory :: An Art

2008-01-24T11:05:00.001-05:00

I think that I came up with Equestrian Theory in the first place because I feel that it is an art as much as it is a sport. Many people never bother to learn anything more than how to balance, go and stop. I know that it really is none of my business what other people do but I feel that many riders and horses alike could benefit greatly from a better understanding and communication.

Communication is the fundamental element behind horseback riding. Without clear communication, it can mean frustration for the rider and even pain for the horse. If a rider is in tune with her [or his] horse then he or she should be able to tell if the horse is in pain, upset, energized or sluggish. Anyone can tell if a horse if hyper or lazy but do they always know why? A horse can be hyped up for many reasons.

It is windy outside. It is widely known among horse people than a windy day means an unpredictable horse.
The horse is in a new environment. New places often make a horse nervous and extra spooky.
The horse has been stalled for an extended amount of time. This just means that he or she has a lot of energy that could not be released in a stall.
The horse is on a trail ride or at a show. Many horses love these environments and get excited.
Do you know the horse? It may be normal for this horse to be high strung.
Are you nervous? Horses are in tune with our emotions and can pick up on them easily. If you are tense, chances are your horse will pick up on it. Try to relax and sooth your horse.

To pick up on the subtle differences, you must truly have an understanding of how the equine works. If you are creating the problem, then you should be able to recognize it and correct it. Such an understanding can save you and your horse hours of frustration.

Let me make a comparison for those who are not following me. In any form of partnered dancing, whether it is ballet, ballroom dancing or any thing else, there must be clear but silent communication between the partners in order to create a flawless performance. Just like with horseback riding, this requires hours of practice, false starts and discussions. If you are having an off day, your partner will most likely pick up on it without any verbal communication. This works the same way with horse and rider. The two must practice to achieve that level of silent communication but once it is established, it pays off immensely.

As with anything else, it takes a certain amount of dedication, patience and skill in order to arrive at that level. No one will expect you to be able to pick up these subtle equine cues the first time you ride but there is a certain point at which it is expected. However, many student riders do not realize that there is such an art of communication and never look for the signs. I was not taught these subtilities of riding by any instructor or book. I was taught by a horse.

If we listen to them, they tell us exactly what we need to know. If you think your horse is telling you something, explore all of your options until you find what he is saying.

Odd News #5

2008-01-23T22:02:00.000-05:00

I have noticed an alarming number of reported plane crashes in the recent months. I am not sure if this is because I am reading more news or if it is because more planes are, in fact, crashing. Either way, this news story brought to you by CNN takes the cake for me.

(CNN) -- At least seven people were killed Wednesday when a Polish military transport aircraft carrying passengers who had attended a flight-safety conference crashed in northwest Poland, military officials said.

This tragic and ironic bit of news baffles me.

Wanna Talk?

2008-01-22T18:21:00.000-05:00

I have added some contact information to the right [gestures like a flight attendant] if anyone would like to talk or give me any input. Hopefully this will encourage others to give me feedback. I am very nice [most of the time] and enjoy talking to new people, especially if they actually have something to say. I don't bite! :]

New York at a Glance

2008-01-22T16:10:00.001-05:00

For the past five days I have been in New York City. It happens to be one if my favourite cities and I typically do the same thing over and over again. This trip, however, we decided to do things differently. [we meaning me and my mother, by the way.]

The night that we got there, we really only had time to check in, unpack, eat and collapse. After a breif issue with our original room, [one bed instead of two, a view of the alley, etc.] one if the nice hotel employees, lovingly nicknamed "Gold Tooth", listed some restaurants for us that he enjoys. We eventually decided on Japanese, mostly because it was close by. We found the Hakata Grill easily and were surprised by the nice and original decor. Not to mention the food. The food was to die for. Check plus for trying something new.

The next day was successful and frustrating. We got a late start but found the store that my love requested with no problems. We then took several hours to find B&H camera only to discover that it had closed hours earlier. I thought I had put the correct address into my iPhone but it turns out that I had swapped a 2 for a 4 and we were about 16 blocks down from where we should have been. We did find some interesting shops and food along the way but the fruitless walking overshadowed that at the time. We were also supposed to go to Greenwich village that day but after the B&H drama, I insisted that we hop the subway and get back to the hotel.

I pseudo-napped for a few hours while my mom watched TV and ordered some Hakata to be delivered before we skipped around the block to see Spring Awakening. Of course, SA was wonderful as always but there were some surprises in the cast. For one, Kate Burton [Ellis Grey from Grey's Anatomy] had taken on the roll of the Adult Women. Big excitement for us!

Saturday was our day for shopping and actually finding Greenwich Village. Bleeker street [Magnolia Bakery, anyone?] was definitely the best over all for off 5th shopping but the best shop was this wonderful little store called MXYPLYZYK. Don't ask me what that stands for, I have no idea. But it was nifty and I loved it. [After a little bit of "research" I discovered that it is in fact pronounced "Mix-ee-pliz-ik"] We also traipsed up to 5th and wandered the lovely Apple Store. Did you know that it is open 24/7/365? Crazy!

Sunday was... a little hectic and hurried. We spent all of 30 minutes running through MoMA, taking pictures of everything that struck my fancy. We made sure we saw "Starry Night" and that was about it. We ran down to 49th, saw SA and went back up to the MoMA Gift stores. They closed and we froze all the way to "Ruby Foo's" [which was nothing special] and grabbed a train to Sephora. All of this in the 5 degree wind chill factor weather.

In all of this, there are some blank spots. It seems like we did a lot of things that I don't really remember. That can't be good, eh?

Leana is a Culinary Odity

2008-01-18T17:42:00.000-05:00

[Note: I have had a very busy and stressful week and have not felt like Blogging. I am now in New York City, which has made me want to blog more. Maybe.]

I have very strange eating habits. As an example, I don't like for my food to touch on the plate. However, some of my favourite foods are interesting mixes. I recently discovered that I love avocado, rice and soy sauce together. I don't know of anyone else who likes this, nor have I even heard of anyone doing this before. I am weird, I know.

Earlier today, made another interesting discovery about myself. I like avocado and goat cheese together. Yes, you read that right. Avocado and goat cheese.

Anyway, hope I didn't make anyone vomit! Cheers!

What do you think?

2008-01-13T12:44:00.000-05:00

I know that a lot of bloggers like to remain anonymous. Sometimes this means leaving anonymous comments and sometimes this means being a lurker. There is nothing wrong with blog lurking and by all means don't stop because of me. However, I would like to know what everyone thinks about the content.

This was originally supposed to be a place for me to record all of my thoughts but I have gained a few readers in the process. [I only know this because my hit counter stalks you! Heh, just kidding but it does something like that.] Now that I know someone will be reading what I am writing, I would like to write more about what people are interested in. So, please go to the poll to your left and let me know.

If you feel so inclined, please leave any feedback you may have on this post. I welcome suggestions and criticism as long as they are not overly rude and uncalled for. Also if I forgot to include a topic, let me know!

Equestrian Theory :: An Introduction

2008-01-11T19:12:00.001-05:00

As I'm sure you have realized by now, I ride horses. Shocker, I know. I have ever since I was 9 and its been all downhill since then. First came the pony, then the horse, then the second pony then the show horse. Then came the F-250, the 3 horse trailer, the 40 acres the free horse and then the barn.

Naturally, people who know nothing have asked me to give them or their children horseback riding lessons. Although I would like to give lessons, earning money doing something I enjoy, I don't particularly want to teach children. First of all, I would have to deal with the nervous parents. Horses are big and scary animals that like to kill small children on a regular basis. Everyone knows that. Then I would have to deal with the children themselves. Kids under the age of about 10 seem to scare me anyway. They don't always listen to me because I am closer to their age than their parents. Then letting them loose on a 1,000 pound animal is just a recipe for disaster.

Even if I did take on a young, attentive, equine obsessed student, I would then have to face the problem that they might not understand my methods of teaching. I would teach what I call Equestrian Theory. Even my love has a hard time following my ideas and he would be the most likely of anyone to understand them.

Equestrian Theory revolves around the idea that a person with no prior horseback experience can learn a more comprehensive and theoretical based way to ride. Trying to learn how to do something while controlling a horse can be difficult and intimidating. However, I think that learning the concept and mechanics behind steering* before you attempt it can improve your results dramatically. I know this may sound like a gimmick-y weight loss commercial, but it makes sense that to understand how to do something before you do it. You wouldn't start playing chess without first reading the rules or having someone explain it to you.

A good example of Equestrian Theory in action is my dad. He has been watching me take lessons and ride for years in addition to listening to me explain things that he may or may not understand. I put him on my show horse a few months ago just expecting to walk him around like he was on a pony ride. However, he insisted that I let him ride and shocked me. He was able to walk, trot and post in addition to keeping my horse's head set with out trouble. That was when I realized that Equestrian Theory really could work.

*Steering a horse is much more difficult than steering a car. The horse you are riding, the saddle and bridle you are riding in and the discipline you are riding are all factors to consider when steering. We will say that you are riding a horse in an english saddle (all purpose) with single reigns in a snaffle bit. Already over your head? Don't worry about it.

First you need to know how to hold the reigns and where to hold your hands. Your hands should stay low and close to you, about 4 inches apart, 4-5 inches in front of you and 3-4 inches above the horse's neck. Your elbows should be slightly bent and stay that way the entire time you ride. Your fingers, legs, seat bones and weight should be largely responsible for steering, with your arms moving only slightly.

Now that you know where your hands should go, you can learn how to turn. If you wish to turn right, you will do several things simultaneously to achieve a precise and almost undetectable turn. Since there are several things to consider, I will just list them rather than trying to tie them together.

Look slightly in the direction that you want to go. [In this case, look to your right]
Shift your weight to your right seat bone without shifting the weight in your stirrups.
Pull your right reign with your right ring finger by tightening your hand into a loose fist. Pull your whole hand back to you [not up, down or out] if it is necessary.
Put pressure on your horse's side with your calf. In this case, you are "pushing" him in the direction you want to go. [Use your left leg to go right]

Then, you must do all of this while maintaining light contact with the horse's mouth.

Riding properly really is not as easy as people assume it is. Now for the explanations behind each act.

By looking where you want to go, your horse can feel you turn slightly in the saddle and, depending on his or her training, will know that you want to turn before you actually ask for it.
Shifting your weight serves the same purpose as looking where you want to go. Your horse feels the weight on his right side and may know that you want to turn.
Using your fingers to turn rather than your whole hand, wrist or arm is mostly for the benefit of the horse. The reigns are attached to a bit which is made of metal. The bit rests in the horse's mouth called the bars. The bars are basically gums. Imagine someone yanking on your mouth with a heavy piece of metal. Not too pleasant.
Most horses are trained to respond to leg pressure for multiple reasons. One reason is to make the communication between horse and rider appear effortless. Little or no movement from the rider's hands looks cleaner. This is an essential component in dressage. Also, many working horses such as roping horses need to be guided while their rider is using their hands for other tasks.

As you can see, Equestrian Theory is not always easy to follow, but if explained properly it can be very comprehensive and informative. If you even read all of that, I applaud you. And now you see why I am apprehensive about teaching a 7-year-old.

I thought Global Warming was supposed to make it warm?

2008-01-11T14:25:00.000-05:00

Ever since I was a young child, I thought an especially hot summer would mean an especially cold winter. Of course everyone thought I was insane to think that. It went against all logical reasoning.

Then, more recently, global warming became a big issue. More and more people began accepting it as fact and realized that we need to start undoing the horrible mess we have created. They said the earth was going to gradually get hotter and hotter because our Earth's "sunscreen" was being deteriorated by emissions from our cars and factories.

In spite of this I still thought our winters were going to get colder. Really, up to this year, the winters in my city have remained mild and snow free. Just to underline my crazy childhood ideas, Baghdad got snow this morning. Yes, Baghdad. The Middle East. And I am pretty sure it gets kind of hot over there.

Anyway, I thought that it was interesting that my childhood predictions* seem to be coming true this year.

*Note: I in no way believe that I really predicted this, I just happen to find it interesting that my crazy ideas are happening. Just shows us that we have created an unpredictable world.

Odd News #4

2008-01-11T14:16:00.000-05:00

Seriously? That is all I have to say.

LONDON, England (CNN) -- British twins who had been separated at birth learned they were related only after they had become husband and wife, a senior British lawmaker said. The marriage has been annulled.

You would think that they would have noticed that they looked alike. Or maybe had the same birthday. Maybe? This is really just beyond weird to me that adoption agencies could allow something like this. First to separate the twins then not inform them that they actually have a twin somewhere out there. Not to mention warning them not to marry said twin.

The rest of the article doesn't talk much at all about this interesting situation but you can go here to read it.

This is why Genetic Engineering might be a good idea.

2008-01-11T13:04:00.001-05:00

Earlier today I overheard a conversation concerning the mother who
sold her sons car because she found a bottle of alcohol under the
front seat. Both parties thought the punishment was ridiculous but
only one party seemed to understand why having a bottle of alcohol in
a vehicle is legal.

Middle aged woman: "Have you never heard of the open container law?!"
17 year old guy: "Yeah, but it has a top!"

I seriously fear for the future of our male population.

Testing 1, 2, 3

2008-01-10T22:22:00.000-05:00

I have been having problems. Yes, the worst kind of problem possible.

Blogging Problems.

Maybe it's because I am new to blogger. Maybe I am just confused easily. Or maybe both. I'm not sure. I did figure out how to blog from my iPhone, finally. [For anyone interested, I wrote the politics blog while 'listening' to a recovering AA speaker* this morning. So if it is a slight bit disjointed or whatever, don't blame me.] I changed my look because the other one was just too plain. I didn't feel like making my own because HTML makes me want to throw my computer out the window. So I chose another template and tried to mess with the fonts to make it the size I wanted but it somehow went wrong and I have changed the fonts and font sizes about six times now. I think I have the problems fixed but who knows.

In other words, this is a test.

*Alcoholics Anonymous speaker. Who used her name. Ironic?

Odd News #3

2008-01-10T13:51:00.000-05:00

This is a very strange and somewhat random piece of news from Fox.

An 11-year-old girl was hit by a stray bullet while horseback riding at a rural farm in Tennessee, WSMV-TV reported.
Allie Nadeau was in an enclosed area with her riding instructor when she was shot in the buttocks, according to the station.

"Another inch higher, she could have been paralyzed," horse trainer Wren Fraser told WSMV-TV. "Another few inches higher, she could have been down on the spot."
Doctors said Nadeau will survive and have decided not to remove the bullet because it will cause more pain for the young girl.

I assume by "enclosed area" they mean and indoor arena. And by indoor arena I assume they mean the bullet had to travel through some sort of wall before it reached the girl's so-called buttocks. It irks me that they don't followup on the story by saying that it was something like a stray hunter's bullet or they just flat out don't know where it came from

Hmm, I hope I don't get hit by a stray bullet while riding any time soon. I don't think that would be too much fun

Is it really all Politics?

2008-01-10T10:20:00.000-05:00

Last night, while I was speaking in third person, I had a strange sort
of revelation.

I was thinking about the election of '08 and speculating that the country needs a good, flexible Moderate president. No matter who is elected, it will be nearly impossible to make a majority of the American population happy. If a Conservative is elected, Liberals will be unhappy and the other way around.

This train of thought led me to think about the political parties. Since there is such a difference in the views within parties, it made me wonder why they exist.

I came to the conclusion that political parties are nothing but stereotypes. When someone says "Democrat" you will most likely think of a person who is "hippie-like". Legalize marijuana, keep abortion legal, allow gay marriages, pass strict laws restricting greenhouse gas emissions. You know. Tree hugging stuff, right? Just like if someone says "Republican" you might think of a conservative bible-thumper. "Pro-life", strict immigration laws, few social services, allow the teaching of intelligent design in schools. At least that is what pops into my mind. I realize not everyone has these stereotypical views but I believe many people do.

I consider myself to be a Democrat but I do have a few views that would be considered somewhat conservative and I know that countless others have the same dilemma. Sometimes it can be difficult to classify yourself when someone asks you "Are you a Democrat or Republican?" It can create an awkward situation like "Um, well, I think I'm a conservative Democrat. Or maybe a liberal Republican? I'm not too sure...". Then, given the stereotypes, it seems like you are contradicting your own views.

Why have political parties in the first place? So people can feel like they belong somewhere? Comfort in numbers? The whole concept just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe I should accept it and move on with my life?

Basically, I think the political parties are imaginary.

Earth to...?

2008-01-10T01:25:00.000-05:00

Leana is too detached to post tonight but hopefully she will drop an anchor and get back on it soon. Maybe something interesting will even ooze from her brain into the computer. Sounds messy, but you never know.

Oh! And Leana has a new look. Like?

[Remember how Leana is when she blogs in third person? Rawr]

Candy is always Sweet.

2008-01-09T11:37:00.000-05:00

I would like to thank someone who has read all of my posts and continues to give me positive feedback and praise. Split Candy has commented on several of my more controversial posts, discussing both sides of the story with a positive attitude rather than condemning one side or the other. She gives me more credit than I deserve and I would like to thank her for making me feel like I am writing to an audience rather than an empty blogosphere.

Props to Candy always being sweet!

Previously on Morning Rise.

2008-01-09T10:05:00.005-05:00

Last night, I posted a blog concerning the recent murders of two seperate sets of sisters by their fathers. [Eh, such a mouthfull] I got some interesting feedback that made me think about the issue and how my post was perceived by others.

First, I will adress the religious aspect of the post. It has come to my attention that honor killings are "pre-islamic" and not religious at all. The horrible acts are, supposidly, culturaly related. Although one could argue that many religions, such as Judaism and Hinduism, are cultures within themselves, I am not going to touch on that aspect. Is a culture that supports honor killings any better than a religion that does the same? I have a question for the man who killed his daughters because they began dating boys and wearing western clothing. If you are willing to murder because of your culture, why would you move to a country that promotes [or, at the least] accepts individuality? If you immerse your children in such a culture, they are most likely going to adopt it as their own.

This is something that blows my mind no matter where it occurs.

In the case of the man who killed his step daughters as a result of a "spell gone wong", this is obviously a case of a very sick man using a relitively unknown religious practice as an excuse for his crimes.

And, yes, I know that everyone religious is not a crazy person running around killing others. I also know that not all crazy people who run around killing others are religious. It just seems to me that religion, if you choose to practice it, should be peaceful and helpful rather than discriminatory and persecuting. Why would people want to worship a god who would condone murder?

I hope that, one day, people will see the light, so to speak, and practice peacfully.

Mobile Blogging :: Take Two

2008-01-09T10:00:00.000-05:00

I have tried and tried to blog from my iPhone. And tried some more. And, yet it doesn't seem to want to work for me. Ever.

It is getting to the point that I want to tell blogger to either fix it or scrap the whole mobile blogging concept. If its not going to work correctly, don't tease me with such a temptation. Grrr. Leana Angry!

Going out in Twos.

2008-01-08T23:48:00.000-05:00

And, no, I don't mean like Noah's Ark. Or dating. This strange phenomenon is much more serious than either topic of paring.

My concern is with the recent murders of two separate sets of sisters by their fathers. To add an even more disturbing element to the murders; both crimes seemed to stem from some form of religious practice or belief.

First, there is the story of the teenaged sisters who were murdered by their father because he supposedly did not like them dating boys or wearing western clothing. Since the family is Muslim, some experts say that the evidence points to an honor killing. The family has denied that the murders were not religious related but given the circumstances, they most likely were to a certain degree.

The second set of sisters who were murdered by their step father were only 8 and 10. The stepfather claimed that he had cast a spell that had gone awry when the police arrived at his burning home and found the sisters' bodies. This also seems to stem from some strange religious practice but the man also sounds like he needs mental help.

These are not the first and, unfortunately, not the last girls to suffer from religion based crimes committed in this country. The messages that theses fathers are sending not only condemns their religion in the public eye, but it also [sort of] sends a message to future generations that it is alright to murder in the name of religion and in order to preserve the family honor.

All the more reason to wonder if our generation will rise up and defeat the evils that have been created in this world; or will we continue killing in the name of religion? If it is the latter, I do not wish to live to see the day. Put me out of my misery, please.

The Cautionary Whale

2008-01-08T23:30:00.000-05:00

Yes, Leana is still alive. Leana is also speaking in third person, which is never good for her. She will be back with more posts soon, as they are all in her head but she is too lazy to type them all out. If she waits too long, though, her head will start oozing with mixed up ideas. That may be when the therapist is called in. We shall see.

[For anyone who was wondering, the title is from Juno, a fabulous movie that everyone should check out. It is Leana's favourite. Rawr.]

What about a Man Period?

2008-01-07T20:29:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I really hate being female. Really.

I will spare any details but it is just flat out unpleasant. The moment we are born, we are condemned to a life of pain. Sometimes I think it is just unfair. But of course I have heard it the other way around too, so I suppose it all depends on who you are and your point of view.

Things like this make me think about male sexual discrimination. A weird thing, right? But if you think about it, the men in our country are expected to do all sorts of things women aren't. First of all that is possibly the most discriminatory is the draft. All male, American citizens have to register for the draft. And if you don't, from what I've heard, your future is pretty much effed up all over the place. But that is also a difficult one to solve. Can you really have every American citizen sign up for the draft once they turn 18? Somehow that just screams disaster.

On a different note, men are hardly ever granted full or primary custody of their children unless their [soon-to-be] ex wife is certifiably crazy. Plenty of men are just as capable of providing nurturing homes for their children as most women. I happen to personally know two families with no contact with the mother and I know a few more who shouldn't. To use an example that almost anyone can understand [although I hate using celebrities as models] KFed now has sole custody of his children. That can only mean that Brittany has a real problem. And, thanks to the media, we know all about that.

Another prominent male-linked stereotype is being solely responsible for earning [at least the majority of] the money. And if he doesn't, people often shake their heads while he isn't looking and wonder "What was she thinking?" Since all of these problems are the fault of hundreds of years of tradition and stereotyping, it will most likely take hundreds of years before said stereotypes a fully erased from human society.

Maybe some men enjoy the sense of responsibility and so-called manliness. Maybe they don't. What is a man to do? Get his man period?

Gotta give him credit

2008-01-07T19:50:00.000-05:00

It has to be hard for any guy to date a horse lover. Especially if he hasn't always been around horses or horse people. As any other horse owner knows, taking care of horses is a full time job that never ends. Not unlike taking care of a thousand-pound, perpetual toddler.

Between school, sleep, cleaning stalls, feeding and cleaning the barn, etc. etc. I barely have time to eat and take a shower before I fall asleep. Even if I do have the time to go out, I most likely smell like a horse [which I don't mind] have mud on my shoes and hay on my shirt.

My wonderful love doesn't seem to mind. And if he really does mind, he doesn't complain too terribly much. I have heard the occasional grumble when I'm too tired to go out or something like that but if that's all I hear, I am perfectly happy. To have someone like that; someone who is even willing to help out with barn chores and willing wait on me is more than I ever thought possible.

In spite of everything he has to put up with because of me, he is patient with me to a point that almost seems impossible. He is amazing.

SADDs? Or just sad?

2008-01-07T10:23:00.000-05:00

There's something about this time of year that really gets to me. I don't want do to anything but sleep and eat. What's new, right? Well now it's worse than any other time of year. I first noticed that my depression hits about this time of year when I was in 7th grade but who knows how long it had been going on before that. The weird thing about it is that I love winter. Something about the cold, the ice and the prospect of snow that lies just beyond my grasp.

It's probably school. Something about the fact that you're halfway done but it feels like a lifetime. So much pressure. It's like everything you do at this point dictates the rest of your life. It's a wonder more teens and 20-somethings don't commit suicide. The pressure from parents and teachers and any other relative figure is overwhelming. And if I want to have any sort of future, I have to continue my suicidal rush towards graduation, life and certain death. Depressing, eh? Well I certainly thing so.

Times like this make me wonder how many others feel this way. Desperate. Depressed. Suicidal. Pointless.

Don't mind me, just my depressing thoughts of the day. Have fun!

The Fantasy v. 1.0

2008-01-06T21:35:00.000-05:00

You take me gently but firmly and lay me on the bed, put my arms above my head, and take a step back. You then gently separate my legs, taking care not to do anything too forcefully. You then tie a big satin ribbon around one of my thighs and tie the other end to the bed. Not to force my legs open, but to keep them open once the ecstasy hits. You do the same with the other thigh, making them just right so it won't distract me. You then slowly move to my arms, which havent moved. You take two pieces the same big ribbon and tie one end comfortably around each wrist and the other is loosely tied to the bed. Once again, this isn't to keep me from moving but only to keep me from pushing you away once the pleasure begins to roll. Then you are free to do what ever you please.

You slowly and deliberately take off each piece of clothing, giving me a show since I am the one tied up, after all. You then come over to me slowly, kiss my forehead, each eye, nose then lips. You gently nuzzle my ear, kiss it softly and whisper something oh so delightful. Then you move down, slowly. Slowly kissing the whole way. You pause at each nipple, first kissing it then slowly licking, sucking, flicking until you think it has had enough. You move lower and lower, pausing briefly at the belly button and working your way down the inside of one leg, up the other and then coming oh so close to what I really want... but stopping. You stop, look at me, knowing exactly what what you are doing to me. You caress and tickle, coming oh so close. Then you begin kissing again, this time getting closer and closer until finally...

You kiss, touch, suck, and lick until finally it is so much; so much plesure, so much pain, my legs try to close but only in vain. This is what the red ribbon is for. By this time, I am not the only one excited. You are hard and just a little bit wet. You catch my eye and we know what we both want. You slowly enter me so as not to hurt me. As the tight, warm feeling envelopes you, you are immediately overcome with pleasure. You begin moving; slowly and passionately at first and then faster with more intensity and fervor. You realize how much I wish to wrap my legs around you, to embrace you and pull you closer to me. You pause for only a moment to untie each of the four carefully and gently tied knots. I pull you to me and we begin moving in unison, as one perfect, complete being.

We realize what this truly means; to come together in a moment of shared ecstasy, one embracing another, becoming whole in our one perfect moment.

Odd News #2

2008-01-06T19:31:00.001-05:00

Once again I came across an interesting report from Fox News. Apparently Taser has come out with a more consumer friendly shocking device, trying to target [no pun intended?] a market outside of law enforcement. They even come in pink!

A single woman from Arizona is going to great lengths to bring these non-lethal personal protection devices to the public. She is hosting Taser parties. Yes, Taser parties. Not unlike the tupperware parties of yesteryear. You can read more about Dana Shafman and her parties here.

This could be a good thing... or it could be bad. Imagine walking down the street in New York or some other crowded city and ZAP! Now you are mysteriously on the sidewalk. You have been Tased. It was most likely someone with nothing to do but, run around zapping people but it could also be someone with more malicious intentions. But, no one assaults you. Good, right? For the most part. The only down side to that is that now you have no idea who the Taser wielding prankster is.

I will let you decide for yourself, but I personally think this new phenomenon could potentially end quite badly.

Mobile Blogging Frustration

2008-01-06T16:11:00.000-05:00

Earlier today I had, what I thought, was the best idea since sliced bread. I was going to blog from my iPhone!

So I go to blogger, sign in, start a new post, name the post and... found that I could not edit said post. Ok, maybe I just didn't click it right.

*Click*

"...?"

*Click Click*

"Eh?"

*CLICK*

Nothing. So I go back to my dashboard and look into mobile blogging. To my dismay, I would have to text my post to to something like go@blogger.com. Now that would be just fine and dandy if I had an ordinary cellphone. But, alas, I do not. Why would I want to text my post if I could just as easily post it from the web browser just as I would do on my computer? I'm not sure if this is an issue with the iPhone or with blogger but I think anyone who has a smart phone and a blog would agree that this problem should be fixed as soon as possible.

The Wicked Truth

2008-01-06T04:04:00.000-05:00

I know every one has heard the old saying "As healthy as a horse". However, I'm not aware of many people who know the truth about how healthy horses really are. They aren't. Really.

Horses themselves are like walking, grass-eating disaster zones. Anything that can go wrong with a horse, will. Horses can find extremely creative ways to get stuck in or on just about anything. I once found a yearling with his tail stuck to a fence post so tightly, I thought he would break his tail trying to get free. In the end it took two people to free the frantic animal.

Any thousand pound creature balanced atop long, spindly legs with a flight instinct worse than a bird's is an accident waiting to happen. When a horse falls, it is never pretty. A broken leg almost always means certain death.

Not to mention the myriad of diseases and injuries that can affect a horse. I happen to have one horse who colics [a serious condition in horses, often leading to death if not hastily treated] if you look at him the wrong way. He often chokes on ordinary things such as hay. Due to their lack of gag reflex, a choking horse does not have long before his life is in danger. Not to mention all the hoof ailments that can cripple a horse for life. And eye injuries. And broken bones. And abscesses. And... well you get the picture.

Whoever came up with the saying "As healthy as a horse" had a wicked sick sense of humor.

Odd News #1

2008-01-05T15:45:00.000-05:00

I read various news sites daily and often run across strange and random articles that could only be fabricated. However this is not the case. In the odd news posts, I will share some of the most... interesting news reports.

This... interesting... news of the day comes from none other than Fox News. Enjoy!

CLEAR LAKE, Iowa -- An artificial arm and leg stolen last summer from a prosthetic limb maker in Clear Lake have been found -- sticking out of a snow bank.

The limbs, valued together at about $30,000, were found last Saturday, police said. They were in good condition and returned to Tom Leisure.

The limbs were stolen from Leisure's business in July. There [sic] were designed for individuals, and have no value to the general public.

Police speculate that local teenagers stole the limbs to use as props for a prank.

At least they weren't stolen from the unfortunate individual who was to receive the limbs. That would have been just sick. However, the fact that the limbs were stolen in July and found in a snow bank six months later either implies some serious prank planning or... some strange reason that I can not fathom.

Early Atheism

2008-01-05T01:09:00.001-05:00

To set things straight from the beginning, I consider myself to be an open minded atheist. I do not believe in a god nor do I believe that religion is good. Although I am not a fan of the religious set, I don't mind them at all as long as they keep their lives outside of the church secular. This is a diverse and complex world we live in, no matter where you go. Carrying such a belief with you and pushing it on anyone [close friends included] is not the best way to make [and keep] friends. But thats beside the point.

Although I was not raised christian per-se, I still grew up around others who attended church regularly and insisted that I go when I was over on a Sunday morning. That being said, I had a vague knowledge of heaven and hell, god and the devil and the ever mysterious Jesus. From the time I was able to form my own opinions, I knew that I did not believe in christianity.

My parents vaguely knew of my disbelief, as they shared them as well. My dad always told me to tell the kids at school I went to a certain church so I wouldn't be shunned and ridiculed. For a while, I played along but I got tired of lying to friend after friend. Why should you have to lie about your religious views in order to be accepted? It was ridiculous. Then one day, when asked, "What church do you go to?" I responded with the blunt and to the point reply, "I don't". That was that, enough said, the friend moved on; most likely too shocked for words.

And so, this long-winded yet brief story of my own childhood atheistic beliefs brings me to my point. I think children, when left to make their own decisions, are often the best at deciphering the truth. I don't think that I could explain it better than a 12 year old girl named Morgan. In an interview with the Black Sun Journal, this pre-teen girl openly explains her views and exhibits a firm grasp of atheism that I could have only dreamed about at such a vulnerable age. All in all, this blog post deserves to be read by atheists and christians alike in order to peer into the minds of our future.

The Descision

2008-01-04T18:18:00.000-05:00

As an internet obsessee, I had been contemplating creating a blog for some time. One to express my ideas, views and experiences openly with anyone who feels so inclined to read it. However, I had second thoughts. What if no one read it? What if I got lazy and the blog rotted along with other long forgotten e-experiments in cyberspace? What if I had nothing to say? Does it really matter?

After catching myself writing blog posts in my head while driving to and from school, showering or doing some other mindless activity, I decided that I needed to get the ideas out of my head. Sounds like I need a shrink, no? Since I don't have the time or money to do that, a blog was the next best thing. However I still had the fear of my readership. Who would the be? Would I even have any? I came to the conclusion that it really doesn't matter who reads what I have to say and who doesn't. The freedom of expression overwhelmed me and I asked my closest friend, who follows countless blogs, to push me in the right direction.

And so I am here. At least I know I will have one reader.