Odd News #7 :: Summer Makes Me Lazy

I admit it. Summer makes me a lazy procrastinator. Not that I am never lazy or that I never procrastinate [I do enough of that for three people, trust me]. Summer just multiplies my sluggish sentiments by approximately 250%. 

Anyway, now that I had admitted my innermost secret to all on the interweb, I will reveal to you, my dear readers [you do exist, don't you, dear readers? If not, I think I qualify as slightly psychotic, considering that I must be having conversations with myself], exactly what struck me as being so odd, I had to share. And that, my dear potentially-non-existent/in-my-head-readers, is a 70 year old Indian woman giving birth to twins.  

Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. A seventy year old woman successfully gave birth to twins. This news, courtesy of the Daily Mail , was rather shocking to me. However, with IVF gaining in success and popularity, it should be no surprise that even women with children conceived the natural way still want to have children past their prime. Apparently way past their prime. 

To clarify, I am not condemning IVF as I am an in-vitro baby myself. Nor am I condemning women who chose to have children well into their 50's and even 60's. However, I am questioning the morality of bringing a child into the world whose parents may not live to see his or her first birthday.

Considering that the average life expectancy of a woman in India is 71.9 years, the new mother in question may not indeed see her twins take their first steps or babble their first words. In addition to that, she is doing good to even be alive at the moment. According to the CIA World Fact Book, the average lifespan of the entire Indian population is 69.25 years. 

When making the decision to bring new life into the world, I believe that you should consider the quality of life the child will have. According to the Daily Mail, all the Indian family wanted was a son. A son to inherit the wealth, the farm and get a dowry from his future bride. What happens if both his parents die within the next few years, his adult sisters are not willing or able to take on another child and he ends up in an orphanage? How is that productive, let alone moral? It is possible that the family will surprise us all, but I do have my doubts.

More power to her for taking on such a laborious task at such an advanced age [no pun intended]. I just hope that other aged women will consider their potential unborn child before spending thousands on IVF treatment. 

Its Been too Long

It has been a long, emotional and stressful month since I last wrote anything. Since the reason for my emotional turmoil would be reading what I write, I decided to just take a break so I would not regret something I had written in an emotional frenzy.

Anyway, I'm still quite emotional and in the process of writing a song. Weird for me, but whatever. I decided that maybe I should post something I have written before instead of something new so I don't focus on said emotions.

I chose a personal essay I had to write for college counselors. It was written in only a few hours and had little to no editing and I know it is not of the best quality. However, I feel that it really conveys who I am. But maybe thats because I already know that... Anyway, I suppose I should let you decide for yourselves. 

Equine Passion

     I walk in the barn, knowing that the wonderful scent of hay and horses will soon grace my nostrils, bringing a flood of memories with it. A sense of comfort envelops me as I walk through the barn because I know I am in my element. The feed room, filled with dust and hay is my first stop. I take a moment to enjoy the sweet aroma of hay before I fix the feed for the horses. With the banging of feed buckets and the rush of grain, the horses know what is coming.  I hear them whicker in excited anticipation. That whicker is a soft low sound reserved for those they care about and those who feed them. I fall under both categories. With the clank of the buckets and the rush of feed once more, I have three contented horses.

     Unlike many “horse girls” my age, I live for these moments. As much as I love riding, venturing through the woods, jumping fallen trees and winning in the show ring, I am content doing nothing but caring for them. I expressed these feelings from an early age; I got just as much joy out of feeding and grooming the horses as I did riding them. I also learned through observation how to diagnose and care for sick horses; I helped with many whose owners were too busy to bother. I would stay up with my instructor and hero, at the time, taking turns walking and watching horses that may or may not make it through the night. Experiences like those left a long lasting impression on my memory.

     Now, at the age of sixteen, I am on my own with my own three horses and parents who are willing to lend a hand. I have successfully given injections in the jugular and, in one case, put my whole arm in my horse’s mouth and into his throat in an attempt to alleviate his choking. It worked, my horse is fine and I still have my arm. I don’t know of many people who would be willing to risk a limb for their pet, but my devotion to horses is above and beyond that of an owner-pet relationship.

     I consider horses to be partners in sport, companions and friends. This is a difficult concept to convey to someone who has never connected with a horse, but I believe that such a connection has made me a stronger person. Horses have been my comfort throughout tough times and still have the ability to brighten my mood whenever I am around them. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without horses but I have a feeling it would be rather dull. I know that, without them, I would join the ranks of the masses that have never had the wonderful experiences that a horse can give.

    Horses have undoubtedly shaped who I am and what I will become. I’ve seen a horse foal, watched many grow up and gain a personality of their own. I’ve been with dying horses and seen them defy all odds. Because of my many equine experiences, I think horses have helped me grow as a person and mature more quickly than many of my peers. Horses have always been there for me and I plan on being there for them for the rest of my life. Horses are my passion. 

Revelations of an Emotional Day

Somedays I think I could be bipolar. Happy and excited one moment, depressed and crying the next. Yesterday was one of those days. 

I was listening to you talk about this house we passed and how you would never be there long enough to enjoy it. You have been talking about how much you want to travel, to get away from America, ever since I met you. Once, you also said that if you ever do have kids, you wouldn't want to raise them in this country. This has always made me sad because I could never let myself be that free. But yesterday, in my overly emotional state, I came to a realization. I have no future with the one person I love the most.

In a way, I have always know this. But putting it in those words just made it so much more real. You made me realize that I could never spend my life with you. You would never be happy in one place. I could never travel the way you want to because of my horses. It just makes me wonder what we are doing. If we should really go on together.

I don't think I will ever find someone that I love as much as you.  

Love at First Sight

I remember that day almost perfectly. For me, that is a feat in itself. It was my first day and I had no idea what I was doing. I was scared. I was sitting at the top of the house, watching the actors rehearse their lines. He was off to the right. Sitting closer to the stage. I had no idea who he was or what our fate was to be. I was attracted to him instantly. Only later would I realize that that initial attraction could be compared to a little something called love at first sight.

As it turned out, we would be working together, talking for hours on end over a headset. Within days, I realized that I loved him. Call it naive, call it stupid, call it whatever you want but I know it's true. Over the course of the next few weeks, I would learn more about him than I knew about any of my friends. I would also learn a great deal about myself. All of this along with many other things that he educated me about. I felt that I had known him my entire life even though it had only been a matter of days.

For me, that was magical. I have a hard time letting people in for fear of being hurt and rejected. I trusted him more than I trusted anyone else. We quickly became best friends.

However, I told him how I felt and, to my surprise, he already knew. Over the course of the next six months we would discuss this over and over again. He said he would never be able to love me the way I loved him. He didn't want to hurt me. He was also still getting over a past relationship. Legitimate reasons. In spite of this, I wanted more. I kept at it.

We met again a few months later to work on another musical together. More talking over the headset for hours on end would solidify our already strong friendship. We began to go out a little bit; he taught me to play chess, we went to a few movies and a small concert. We also began chatting on the phone rather than communicating solely through the computer. It felt as though he was showing interest, yet the last time I thought this, I was in for a big disappointment.

I kept on pressuring him to give me more answers as to why we could not take our relationship one step further. One late night one the phone, I finally learned the truth about why he wanted us to remain friends. Before that one faithful night, the only think I knew was that he was "still getting over a past relationship". Little did I know what he really meant by that.

He started out slow. Telling me about how he and his mum flew to Boston in June two summers before. He was waiting in the airport when this girl approached him because she thought he was also flying alone. They immediately hit it off and talked the whole way to Boston. She became his first kiss. They spent the days at her dad's house. To this day, I don't know what they did. However, I do know that she was his love at first sight. They parted on June 30th after only 20 days together. They promised to write and call each other.

When he got home, it was a little while before he was able to write or call her. When he did, he never got a response. She never got a chance to. At this point in his story, I was shocked. I think, deep down, I knew. But still, I asked. She was dead. She had been killed in a car wreck only five days after the last time he saw her. He told me that when she left, she had taken something from him. He said he didn't know if he could ever be whole again. 

In spite of this, I still loved him and I still wanted him to be mine. Don't get me wrong, I felt like a horrible person, just the scum of the earth. But thats how I felt. I even hoped that maybe I could help fill the hole that she had created.

I began having dreams about her. I never saw her, but I always knew it was her. Because of those dreams, I felt like I knew her. We would try to talk about her but I would always end up crying. Just the thought of the whole situation was just overwhelmingly tragic. 

Not too long after this, he decided, against all his instincts, to date me. We spent every second  possible together. After only a few weeks of dating, I felt like we had been together a lifetime. One day, he realized that he loved me even though he never thought he would be able to. It was the happiest time of my life. We would stay up until dawn talking and then just sleep all day. I wanted it to go on forever. But school started back in August and we had to cut back on our time together. We still saw each other every day but no more early morning conversations while watching the sun rise.  

As we got busier, we saw each other less and less but still talked every day and saw each other most nights and weekends.  During those months, she would come up occasionally but not too often. I even thought that maybe he was beginning to move on. Only recently has she been the subject of conversation once again.

He stumbled upon some photos of her a few weeks ago. Ever since then things have been different. He also began to smell her, once even when he was less than a foot away from me. He was also more distant than ever before. This could have been attributed to several things going on at the time but I did not know the truth. One day, I asked him if he still loved me like he had. He said he still loved me but not like he had. Something had changed. I was devastated but somehow that was the response I was expecting. 

Not too long after this, he told me about her photos. I was excited, terrified and upset all at the same time. I knew I had to see them but I wasn't sure how I would handle it. I didn't cry. I didn't do much of anything really. I just looked at them. Her small frame was beautiful. She was thin yet beautifully curved. Her eyes were large; a striking shade of blue. 

Of course I had many questions racing through my mind but I could never seem to get them out in words. I did, however, ask him if he still loved her. Obviously he said that yes, he did still love her. An expected response but once again I was crushed. We had been together for so long, yet it seemed he still loved her more than he would ever love me. 

Again, I was jealous of her. And again, I felt like a horrible person but I couldn't help it. I can't control how I feel, no matter how hard I try. I suppose he can't either.  

Equestrian Theory :: Bit Theory

In my opinion, bits are often the most misused and misunderstood tool in the equestrian world. Think about it; if you have ever ridden a horse, there is a good chance that the horse had a bit in it's mouth. However, did you stop to think about what that bit might do? How it could effect the horse? What kind of bit was it? Did you even know that there were different kinds of bits? 

Most people don't give bits a second thought. [When I refer to people, I mean everyone who has encountered a horse, not all horse savvy people.] If properly understood, the correct bit can mean the difference between first place at a show and ending up on the ground. 

A bit uses a combination of pressure and leverage in order to convey information to your horse. The intensity and severity of the pressure and leverage differs from bit to bit and, if used improperly, can cause serious harm to you or your horse. 

In order to better explain myself, I will set up a scenario that depicts the kind of damage different bits can do.

Scenario one: You are riding a new and unknown horse for the first time. You don't know much about the horse's history but you know that he is young. Most trainers try to use a simple, gentle bit on young horses to keep their mouths soft and responsive. However, this is not always the case. Going on the simple bit assumption, you use a snaffle which is the most basic bit. You get on your horse, he seems to walk, and trot fine but when you ask for the canter, he takes off like there is no tomorrow. While clinging on to the back of a racing, 1,000 pound animal, teetering precariously 5 feet up in the air, you realize that your locomotive of a horse has no brakes. That happy little snaffle means nothing to this horse. Perhaps he was a high strung show horse or a barrel horse taught to run. At this point, it doesn't matter what your horse was. Your life is now in danger. You have to stop that bullet train with a feather. How are you going to go about doing that? Good question. And good luck. 

Scenario Two: Once again, you are on a relatively unknown, young horse. You are used to using severe bits to control your speed demon animals. Lets say you use a bicycle chain bit. Everyone knows what a bicycle chain looks like, right? Just imagine that in your mouth, grating against bare gums. Does not sound like fun to me. Anyway, you get on your horse and stay in his mouth for a long period of time, trying to set his head, maybe. After a while, the metal starts to cut into his sensitive gums, causing them to bleed. The gums will eventually scar over and you then have a "hard mouthed" young horse. There is also always the possibility of health problems regarding the wounds. Although this scenario does not seem quite as dramatic, you have permanently damaged your young horse that will be with you, or someone else, for many years to come. 

I don't know about you, but neither of these situations sound too fun to me. I would like to stay in one piece and keep my horse safe, healthy and happy. 

Since it would be confusing [for me, anyway] to try and explain bits and their different mechanics without a visual aide, I am going to compile a bit guide in my next post. I will try to include the most common bits along with some of the more obscure in order to help anyone interested gain a better understanding of bits. 

It may take a day or two to compile, but check back soon! Happy Horsing! 

Tornadic Lust

I found myself lying in the hammock. Wind whipping and whirling around
me. I willed a tornado to come and get me. To take me away from the
sorrow and solitude.

"Maybe it will take me far away", I thought. I would like that.

But no, I would not land in Oz. Only a few miles away, broken and
tattered if not dead. Maybe that would be better than nothing. Maybe
not.

As the sun slipped behind the clouds, the weather seemed to grow
restless. Maybe it really was a tornado. I thought about it, if only
for a few seconds. I really didn't care. I closed my eyes again and
let the wind give me everything it had.

Of course, the winds died down. Still whipping but without the
ferocity of before. It grew colder without the sun's rays beaming down
on my vulnerable flesh.

I realized how much the weather seemed to reflect the events going on
in my life at the time. The sun leaving me cold and wanting more.
Hiding behind the clouds of separation.

I realized that without the sun, I am nothing. And without me, the sun
will remain everything.

I am alone.

The Casual Ballerina

I consider myself to be a casual ballerina. I danced for about a year, almost a year ago. Not much, I know but because of my age and ankle strength, I progressed to pointe work in a matter of months. I loved it, even when I hated it but when I moved and the dance studio moved in the same summer, I couldn't find the time to keep going to classes several times a week. 

I still do foot stretches and go into demi-pointe when I'm not thinking [or thinking too much] and I still lust over the dance equipment in magazines. I really did love dancing but it turned out that I did not have to keep it in my life to enjoy it. 

Anyway, I think the ballerina lifestyle is wonderful. However, too much pressure to stay thin, flexible, athletic etc. can be counterproductive. On the positive side, a ballerina is always active, always encouraged to eat healthily, and is often encouraged to take a yoga/stretch/strength class. 

I took a stretch class during my short stint as a ballerina and never even dreamed that I would do some of those poses and exercises on my own. Turns out that some of those excruciating practices are more formerly known as Yoga poses. [The downward facing dog is the bane of my existence. For some reason, it hurts me. Must be my horribly tight hamstrings]

Long story short, I am just teaching myself some yoga and realized that I already know many of the poses. Many of the positions came naturally to me and I seemed to know automatically how to stay relaxed but rigid at the same time. Who knew that that torturous class could become useful later on. 

I am not a true casual ballerina. I lied. I'm sorry. But that is something that I aspire to be. Positively body conscious [in a yoga sense], healthy, fit and flexible.