The Casual Ballerina

I consider myself to be a casual ballerina. I danced for about a year, almost a year ago. Not much, I know but because of my age and ankle strength, I progressed to pointe work in a matter of months. I loved it, even when I hated it but when I moved and the dance studio moved in the same summer, I couldn't find the time to keep going to classes several times a week. 

I still do foot stretches and go into demi-pointe when I'm not thinking [or thinking too much] and I still lust over the dance equipment in magazines. I really did love dancing but it turned out that I did not have to keep it in my life to enjoy it. 

Anyway, I think the ballerina lifestyle is wonderful. However, too much pressure to stay thin, flexible, athletic etc. can be counterproductive. On the positive side, a ballerina is always active, always encouraged to eat healthily, and is often encouraged to take a yoga/stretch/strength class. 

I took a stretch class during my short stint as a ballerina and never even dreamed that I would do some of those poses and exercises on my own. Turns out that some of those excruciating practices are more formerly known as Yoga poses. [The downward facing dog is the bane of my existence. For some reason, it hurts me. Must be my horribly tight hamstrings]

Long story short, I am just teaching myself some yoga and realized that I already know many of the poses. Many of the positions came naturally to me and I seemed to know automatically how to stay relaxed but rigid at the same time. Who knew that that torturous class could become useful later on. 

I am not a true casual ballerina. I lied. I'm sorry. But that is something that I aspire to be. Positively body conscious [in a yoga sense], healthy, fit and flexible. 

A Homophobic Encounter

I have little tolerance for homophobes. In fact, I sometimes wish I could beat the ignorance and intolerance out of their minds. But of course I am not a violent person and would never really do that.

Anyway, I was in my barn the other day, cleaning stalls, like always. The barn is in progress so there were electricians in the barn doing what electricians do. One of the men started making fun of how our closest gay friend talks. And of course they laugh it off like its no big deal, but really it is. When me and my mum say something about it, the other man throws the religion card at us. I bite my tongue and keep on cleaning stalls, eying the shovel that is only a few feet away. I wondered if he would even notice what was coming before it hit him. Probably not. I kept cleaning stalls.

My mum and the electricians keep up a "friendly" banter about the subject while I work in the stall, glaring the whole time. The religion man says that he does not believe that a person can be born gay. [In addition to saying something about it being against the Bible. Go figure.]

"Oh really?" my mom says, "But why would they choose to be...?"
"Exactly".

Of course at this point, I have to say something.

"Do you realize that you just contradicted yourself in only one word?"

I don't clearly remember what happened after this, partially because his electrician partner was laughing so hard and partially because of the dialog going on in my head. If I had been given the time, I probably could have changed this man's mind. Or at least made him think about what he was saying.

If I had been given the chance, I probably would have said something like this:

"Why would a person choose to be gay? Do you realize what kind of discrimination they have to go through in order to be open about who they are? Most of all, they have to listen to men like you. Now please tell me, Why would anyone choose to be gay?"

I know that is not the best argument possible but when I am angry, it is difficult for me to think straight. I was so mad; someone was in my barn, bashing one of my best friends, pulling the religion card and getting away with it. If it was up to me, he would have been gone at that moment. There are plenty of electricians out there.

Uggh! The frustration runneth over. I just don't know what to say. I will be surprised if this ends up make much sense.

I guess I'll go calm myself now.

The Things I Carry

A poem I wrote in response to the first chapter of "The Things They Carried". [A good book about Vietnam, if anyone is interested]

I carry many things

The necessary and the not

The material and emotional 

The heavy and burdensome

My purse, no matter how small, carries my life

It carries the experiences I have had

Old movie tickets, receipts

Spare change and empty gum wrappers

It carries memories

My iPhone carries my information

Without it I would be lost

Instant information and instant communication

In a world with only seconds to spare, instant is necessary

I carry gum and perfume

Lip balm, makeup and cough drops

For the days that I don't feel my best

                                                              

I carry money

Sometimes it is more than enough

Sometimes it is never enough

I carry it because society says so

I carry stress

Sometimes it is too much

Sometimes it is bearable 

No matter what, there is always stress

With the stress come shattered dreams

Broken hearts

Forgotten wishes

I carry things that I do not wish to remember

I am reminded of what I have not done 

And of what I will never do

They haunt and plague but will not go away

I carry experiences never felt

I carry memories long gone

Of people almost forgotten

Of places that may have existed only in my dreams

These are the worst memories

Forgotten truths and lies believed

All of these things, I carry on my own

Any criticism is welcome!

International Leana

Maybe I should be learning some more languages... or at least posting in them. I am shocked at the visitorship I have received since starting my little blog only three months ago. I would like to give a shout out to everyone who has visited and let everyone else know where their fellow readers are coming from! It's interesting, at the least... Here we go!

Hailing from at least 40 different countries:

[In order of most visitors]

1. USA                                       

2. UK                                          

3. Canada                                

4. The Netherlands                  

5. Malaysia                                

6. Poland                                   

7. Sweden                                  

8. Germany                               

9. Denmark                              

10. Saudi Arabia                   

11. Japan                                    

12. France                                  

13. Switzerland                        

14. Indonesia                                        

15. Brazil                                                

16. Malta                                              

17. Australia                                           

18. Israel                                                 

19. Hungary                                            

20. Italy      

21. Norway 

22. Mauritius

23. Romania

24. South Africa

25. Peru

26. Estonia

27. Singapore

28. The Republic of Korea

29. Slovenia

30. Taiwan

31. New Zealand 

32. Mexico

33. India

34. Finland

35. Ukraine

36. Spain

37. Ireland

38. Lebanon

39. Morocco 

40. Jordan

Then there are the "Unknown" visitors. Sketchy, if you ask me. 

I thought all of this was rather interesting and that some of my readers might want to know who else is visiting. Yay for diversity!!

Equine Therapy

I am in the beginnings of the "What do I want to do with my life?" phase. I have many options open to me, but I am not sure which direction I should take. I was recently directed towards an art school in Georgia called Savannah College of Art and Design. They have a brand new equestrian facility and, supposedly, give equestrian scholarships. I looked at the website but did not find much more than a few pictures of the new barn and a roster. I looked at the majors offered at SCAD. All pertaining to art and design. Duh.

I would love to be a graphic artists or an interior designer but I just don't think that I have the creativity to do something like that. [Well, I have the creativity just not the passion to drive said creativity] Long story short, nothing looked good to me.

Another school I have contemplated seems absolutely perfect for me. Tons of equestrian majors, anything from Equine Sciences to training to barn management. All at Lake Erie College in Ohio. Wait, Ohio? Hmm... I happen to extremely dislike Ohio. I went once for a horse show and swore I would never go back. Lake Erie is out.

All this led me to contemplate what I really want to do and go from there. I would love to be a surgeon but I don't have the brains. Psychiatry appeals to me but then again, I don't have the book smarts to make it through medical school. Maybe Psychology? It seems to fit me better than my other options. Then again, I am not one that enjoys the clinical atmosphere. I would rather be outside 99% of the time.

I have been thinking about this for some time but until recently, it was only a dream. I want to be an Equine Therapist. No, I won't be advising horses on how to cope with new environments or anything like that. I want to use horses as a tool for learning and healing. I want to be a therapist but I want to use horses to help me. There is a certain tranquility around horses that seems to put me into a good mood no matter what. I want to use what I love the most in order to help others.

So here is my grand plan. My parents and I [more like my parents but hey, I'm the inspiration behind it all] own about 40 acres of land with a house, a pond, a swimming pool, several acres of trails, woods, natural springs, a barn and, most importantly, three lovely horses. My barn is being built, but when it is finished, it will be a wonderful place. Of course all of this is being done in time for me to go off to college. My mom wants me to stay near by, I want to experience the world and who knows what goes on in my dad's mind. I want to, one day, turn my barn into a safe-haven for those who need it most.

I have had experience working in a non-profit riding therapy barn and know that I would not want to go that rout. There are too many risks involved, too many precautions and not enough freedom. I also know from experience that I enjoy working with the emotionally challenged children and adolescents more than the ones with physical or mental disabilities.

I would like to try and take the stress and embarrassment out of therapy for older children and teens. I know it can be rough when adults think you need to see a therapist but I also know that, in the proper atmosphere, it could be even enjoyable. I want it to be fun. I want it to be a unique experience that has the ability to really get through to people. I want it to be different. Even adults need that.

I want to eventually have other, smaller animals that are on the same level as the smaller children. There is nothing more intimidating than a horse when you are a mere two feet tall. Or four. Or whatever. Horses are not for everyone, I know. But, they may still want the tranquility that comes with the country. They may want to walk in the woods while having a heart to heart talk or gaze out over the pond while divulging their innermost demons. Maybe they do want the animals to help them. Thats where the miniature donkey comes in. Or the pony. Or the miniature horse. Or the chickens, ducks, dogs, cats, sheep, pigs and whatever else I might take on.

I want to be able to reach out to those who have no hope. Maybe emotionally or financially. Maybe there is a child who needs therapy but his insurance wont cover it. Maybe there is also a businessman who needs a weekend away from the stresses of the city. Part of that businessman's [or woman's] fees would go towards getting that child therapy. In addition to feeding all my therapy animals, of course :]

This is my ideal situation. Using horses and other animals to help people. People helping others who need it the most. I know it sounds very idealistic and unrealistic at best but I want this to become my reality.

This is my dream.

Questions for the Conservatives

I know, I know. It's been a while. But hey, I do have a life.

Anyway, I was on the way to work, thinking about a conversation that was had in my Anatomy and Physiology class. My teacher seems to be a conservative type. Religious. "Pro-life". You know the deal. She was talking about a friend whose son was born without a left ventricle [a critical part of the heart for those not in the know]. Her friends decided not to do anything about the incomplete heart and let nature take it's course, so to speak. Of course, the baby died within four days. 

The same teacher also "knows" someone who had a child with the same problem [sometimes I wonder how this woman knows so many people with strange diseases and birth defects]. This family opted to operate on the child who is now four and will need a heart transplant sometime in the near future. Although, I'm sure said child has loving, and most likely wealthy parents, He or she will have to go through many surgeries throughout his or her short life. 

My teacher seemed to think that letting the new born die naturally with no stressful surgeries was a bad choice. Instead of giving the child the best four days possible, she would have rather subjected him to a life of pain and suffering. When a student made a comment about the quality of life the child would have, my teacher replied "Yes, but if there is any chance of life, I would take it". 

If I was the baby and it was my choice, I would want to live four happy days in which I was the little miracle rather than live a life strapped to a heart monitor in which I was known as the patient. 

Constantly weighted down by the burden of a defective heart. Constantly being watched, by worried parents and doctors alike. Knowing that your life will be significantly shorter than average. Never knowing when you will be able to get a heart for a transplant. Worrying about whether your body will accept the foreign organ. Knowing that someone had to die in order for you to live.

All of these things are burdens that the child would have to bear, assuming that the child makes it through infancy and early childhood. Would you want that? Would you want that for your child? I know that I wouldn't.

All of this led to the questions I am about to ask. Any insight would be wonderful, but I am specifically asking any conservatives who might happen by. I truly do not understand why conservatives hold the views that they do. Maybe if I know the thoughts behind them, I will understand the choices better.

Question One:

On the issue of Gay Marriage. 

Do you really oppose the thought of a homosexual couple having the same rights as a heterosexual couple? Or do you dislike gays all together? Is it a matter of unexplained hatred or conflicting moral values? Do you oppose it because of your religious beliefs? If so, why? If it does not directly affect you, then why are you opposed to gay rights? 

Question Two:

On the issue of abortion.

When you oppose legal abortion, do you think about the child? Do you consider the quality of life that an unwanted child may have? Do you think about the life that child could destroy and the resentment that could follow? Do you just think about a little pink baby being killed and disposed of? Do you think about the consequences of a "black market abortion"? [An illegal abortion, done in possibly unsanitary conditions under less than desirable circumstances.]

These were the only questions I thought about on the drive to work, so I thought I would save any others for a second installment! Yay!! Haha :]

Well as a note, I would like to say that I am asking these questions purely out of curiosity. I would like to know the thought process behind some conservative views and the questions are in no way meant to be offensive. Thank you in advance for any feedback you may have!