Mainstream Equestrian Sports

As I sit here reading news and other blogs, I am vaguely aware of the football chaos going on in the room with me. The TV is blaring the announcers' blathering, the occasional cheerleader yelling something silly and the marching band playing the occasional song. Then my dad starts yelling at the TV. I will admit that he doesn't get rowdy and jump up screaming, but he doesn't keep his thoughts to himself either.

"Why do you think Equestrian sports aren't popular in the United States?" I ask him. 

"Well... I don't know."

"You don't like watching it, do you?" I prompt, looking for more than just a dismissal of my question. "Why don't you like watching someone racing around on horseback, jumping over things? Risking death every moment!" Of course, I'm talking about Cross Country jumping, probably the only type of Equestrian sport he has ever watched on TV.

"Well if someone would die occasionally... or at least get carried off in a stretcher..." He is kidding about the dying, of course but it was clear that this was all I was going to get out of him.

It set me thinking about why Equine related sports really aren't mainstream. Surely Stadium jumping or Cross Country would be found interesting by the general public. They would have to admire the sheer athleticism and power of the horse and the balance of their riders. I can see how dressage would be a stretch for the laymen, since they wouldn't understand the complexities behind the flawless technical feats unfolding before their eyes. But surely Cross Country...

I can't seem to wrap my mind around it, why people would not be interested. Any thoughts?

Floating

Here we are, suspended in this life, floating. Not moving forwards or backwards but diving and dipping, ascending and falling. All we can do now is wait.

As we wait for the long desired change, we can only think. Some of us choose not to, occupying their minds with either a barrage of information or blocking it out by means of drugs and alcohol.

I choose to think. This may not be the best option for me, as I tend to overthink, but not thinking is a falsity. My thoughts provide me with an internal rollercoaster that belies my suspended state. These thoughts carry me outside of my life, making the monotony bearable.

Scientology

From my perspective, it is difficult to understand how anyone can honestly believe in religious doctrine. Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, anything. Of course the believers will throw out words like "faith" in order to prove why their religion is believable. [On a somewhat different note, I once had someone tell me that "Trees are proof that God exists."] 

The only religions I can understand are the ones that we now consider ancient myths. Long before modern science and technology, people were trying to assign meaning to the mysteries of the Earth. It was only natural that these ancient peoples assigned gods to any unknown force. [Sun god, god of fertility, etc.]

As for modern religions, Scientology really takes the cake when it comes to ridiculous doctrine. This post by Ebonmuse just served as a reminder of the senselessness that is Scientology. I believe the story can speak for itself. 

According to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, Xenu was an alien overlord who, 75 million years ago, was in charge of a "Galactic Confederacy" consisting of 76 planets, including Earth (which, according to Hubbard, was then called "Teegeeack"). This planetary confederation was desperately overcrowded, and to solve this problem, Xenu devised a genocidal plan. Luring billions of citizens to government offices under the pretense of tax inspection, he dosed them with paralyzing drugs, flew them to Earth, then unloaded their bodies around the bases of volcanoes and detonated hydrogen bombs inside the volcanoes, killing them all.

The dead aliens' souls, which Hubbard referred to as "thetans", were then captured using an "electronic ribbon" and taken to "implant stations", where they were forced to watch a movie containing various misleading beliefs about the existence of God, the Devil, Jesus, and so on. After this process of brainwashing, the thetans were released and took up residence inside the bodies of living beings on Earth. According to Scientology, these "body thetans" still exist in each of us, causing all the physical and mental illnesses that human beings suffer from.

Oh! Now I see! It all makes sense now! 

...

Auschwitz

My elation is a blind guide dog

Confidently propelling himself

Through the still waters of the ocean.

 

Now, my individuality can flourish,

Away from those who had oppressed me

And rendered me sightless.

 

Your betrayal was a lockless safe

Abandoning my trust

To those who wanted it most of all. 

Changing

The snow gently fell

Upon the great willow tree.

Cease the vibrant green.

"If only, If only..."

(The woodpecker cries, "... the bark on the trees were as soft as the skies.")

If only you had never been denied her... If only she had never been taken away from you, ripped from this life so cruelly. 

If you had never been denied her, I would never have been denied you. 

She was your first love and should have been your only. But fate took her from you, leaving you torn and broken, never to be whole again. 

You were my first love and never should have been. I should have met you, whole and at peace, never feeling the desire to mend the un-mendable. Like trying to fill an endless void, my love was pointless. 

Your heart is still with her, and mine is now with you. What a vicious cycle of heartbreak fate has laid out for us.  

I only hope it stops here. 

Dreams

Lately, my dreams have been dominated by you. If you aren't the center of my thoughts, you are always on the outskirts, just waiting to find a weakness in my concentration. Perhaps my dreams are beginning to mirror my waking thoughts. Never a day goes by that don't think of you. Maybe my mind has had enough.

The first significant dream was quite surreal. My dreams are often rather realistic but occasionally I know that I am dreaming before I ever wake. This was one of those instances. I just had a rather terrifying horse accident (being flung through the air and into a tree) and I was in the barn reliving my horror with others and the shock that I was not injured. You came through the door as if you had been there the whole time. I was delighted to have you with me and hugged you as soon as you were near. Then, I continued my cringe-worthy account of the accident. Moments later I asked the others where you were. No one knew what I was talking about. They said that no one else had been there and maybe I had hit my head harder than I thought. But I knew you had been there. I had seen you, felt you, hugged you. I knew you were real. And then I realized that, just as in my waking life, that you were still in New York. Hundreds of miles away and not coming back for two more weeks. I knew something was off before I ever awoke.   

Because that dream stood out in my mind so much at the time, I remember it with the most clarity. Revisiting it countless times kept it as fresh as the day it was dreamt.  All the others have fogged over in time since I did not bother to revisit them in my mind. 

My most recent dream of you was much less surreal but slightly more cryptic. We were in a dark movie theatre, holding hands as we often did. Cloaked in darkness, to me there was no one else, no one else mattered. Not even the movie. Especially not the movie. You extended a gesture so tender and trusting that, even outside of reality, I was floored by the significance.  You leaned towards me so that our faces were flush, cheek to cheek. I knew that for you, this must cause much pain. But I sensed no heat. No outward signs of the agony that must have been coursing through you like a white hot fire. You seemed as content as I. Then you whispered that we could never let them know. 

In reality we had done this many times. You allowed me to explore what caused you the most pain, emotionally and physically. I had the pleasure of caressing your smooth, soft face. Feeling it against my skin, against my own flushing cheek. I know that I hurt you many times, always by accident. It was evident by the crimson glow of your skin and the heat that emanated from it. But you never complained - not seriously at least. You always let me know when I bumped you by accident. But I cherished those moments of tenderness. I longed to hold your face, knowing that it was as painless as my own. I knew that it could never happen. 

So many months on from our reality, I am still dreaming of you. I try to forget, but, really, that is the last thing I want. To forget what we had. I feel the pinpricks behind my eyes travel down my arms to my fingertips as I allow myself to remember. Even my subconscious is longing for the happiness that came with those moments. I hope that, one day, my dreams will again be my reality.